"So why am I writing... Well, it's back!"

[The following email was sent out by John on 24th September 2008 - if you're confused about how this relates to Re:Act click HERE for more information...]

Following a CT scan in July that the NHS has only just got round to dealing with (yeah, admin is still not their strong suit), it showed signs of an increase in soft tissue around the scar tissue that occurred where they chopped "Livalot" off from his nasty counterpart ("Livalittle"). Well they they then booked me in for an MRI scan and on Tuesday (yesterday) I went for these results.

The MRI scan shows that the new soft tissue around the scar tissue, is likely to be cancerous - whether malignant or benign they can't be sure. The problem, as though I need more, is that it is very close to the main artery - this means that if they find that the tissue next to the artery is malignant, then they cannot cut it out - only hit it with chemo, which may or may not have any effect. Clearly this is not good!

The next step is a nuclear scan at UCH (apparently this is horrid and involves a lead tube being put into the throat and then particles being fired along it. It means that I become radio active and cannot go near babies and things for a few months!!) What the scan does however is to highlight the good and bad cells (hot or cold as they are defined). This should then mean that they can decide the best way forward.

I have an appointment with the Profs team on 7 October, so by then the scan must be done and assessed, so it looks as though it will start moving fast again.

I know last year was bad, but this one scares the hell out of me for some reason. I don't have the same peace that I had then - maybe that will come after the initial shock - I do hope so because this is chewing me up!

The family have already found it hard - I had Jo in tears when she got home and Chris sobbing his heart out at bed time. I know I have to be strong to carry them, but really I feel like getting under the duvet and sobbing too!

I have no right to ask you to ask for your help again, but you were all so amazing last time - so if you pray (and I know that isn't all of you, but if you do) please do include all of us in those prayers (Jo, Ben and Chris and all our family) and do feel free to pass this on elsewhere. Your prayer support was amazing last time and I know it made a difference.

Sorry - not the most uplifting of emails I've ever sent.

Catch up again soon, when I might be slightly stronger/ more positive!