OK so what's going on...

Ok, ok, so I haven't written for an age. I seem to recall doing this last year! Its a stage where I just feel I have nothing to say, nothing to share, nothing to interest you - whether that is true or not is not the point! The problem has also partly been caused by problems with Yahoo, but mainly total lethagy on my part
OK so what's been going on, am I dead, have I lost the use of my keyboard or what?

The answer is No I am not dead.....can I go now? !!

No? Oh well, basically little has happened since last I wrote. It took an age for info to travel from the Royal Free Hospital (in Hampstead) to Mount Vernon Hospital (in Hertfordshire). Personally I think I could have walked it there in about a day - but alas it took nearly two weeks for the system to get me there - encouraged by a substantial number of phone calls! - so my view of NHS administration is still at a very low level!

Well, last Tuesday I at last got to see an Oncologist at Mount Vernon. For those that don't know, an Oncologist deals with the use of Chemo therapy or other nuclear medicines (he's the guy who walks out in a neon green suit at the end of each day!). He was just the sort of guy I like. Straight talking, down to earth and very open.

He had limited knowledge of my exact spread of cancer as the file with the scans was still walking around the M25! Anyway from the notes that he did have he was able to at least inform me that apart from having cancer back in the liver and it spreading to my abdomen, it was also around by my spine (!) - that was a little bit of a shock and could have significant relevance as time progresses!

He then checked me out, prodding and poking around. To my amusement he said I was actually a very fit guy (I love you too Doc! - no he I don't think he really meant it that way) but clearly the fact that I am "fit" obviously means I will stand up to the treatment a lot better than some.

To cut a longish meeting down to a minimum, he intends to hit me with Chemo tablets and a slow release injection, once a week for three weeks followed by a gap, two further periods of the same. He will then consider if I can stop the chemo for a while as he does not wish to flood me with the stuff.

Chemo was expected to start this Wednesday but has subsequently been postponed to next week (12th Nov)

Overall, we came out feeling much more positive and I think our view of the future increased in size. To be honest I wasn't seeing past Christmas before. In fact Christmas was an awefully long way away. Now? Who knows.

With this in mind it was interesting to spend time with one of my friends (who works for me on a weekend, but has been studying to be a psycologist). In talking I said that I found it hard not to be able to plan ahead and he nearly bit my head off! Basically I took a heavy hammering from him, but it did do me a lot of good! The overall message was "if you don't feel able to plan, you put your life on hold and basically give in." There is no reason not to plan. All of us will die, some it will be by chance and totally unexpected and yet knowing that doesn't stop people planning. This helped me a great deal and suffice to say I walked away from Steve with a different view (thanks mate!)

In myself I feel far better - one of the other things that came out of the hospital visit was that he gave me increased pain killers in order to stop me waking from my stomach cramps/ pains. This is a very low dose of morphine (which scared the heck out of me, until I realised how small a dose it was!). Anyway, it has allowed me to sleep for periods of at least five hours at a time! Thats been unheard of in about 4 months, so I have at last started to get some energy back and I actually found myself smiling the other day!! I still get tired, but nothing like as much.

Right, thats enough for now. I promise to come back with some more shortly, but thats the bare facts and should keep you going for now.

Stay tuned, stay praying and thanks for all you do,

John